Today I would like to talk about a topic very near and dear to me – standing in your power. This is the name of one of my books and it is something I believe I’ve come here to learn, practice and share with others. When a person is standing in her power she’s tapped in to who she is, what strengthens her, what drains her – even what might be blocking her. She knows how to recharge her batteries and makes a point of doing so!
She is caring, compassionate, flexible, creative – a fierce lioness when needed and more like a gentle kitten when it’s not. When I say standing in your power I’m not talking about a strength over others…but about building and maintaining an inner strength… or strength of self; self-love, self-acceptance, self-confidence, self-care, self-worth…
To me, standing in your power and being a vibrant, powerful mom go hand in hand – so even though in today’s show I’m only going to provide you with 9 quick tips for how to bring more of this beautiful energy into your life, I will be covering all of these topics and many others in much more detail in other episodes.
Standing in your power is a lifelong practice which involves awakening to your true self and then figuring out how to become that best version of yourself so she can shine out into the world. You can never have too many ideas and reminders for how to practice something as big as this.
9 Tips for Standing in Your Power
- Know that you are the perfect person to be you – I know this sounds cliché, but it’s such an important thing to really internalize and believe. There is no one out there who is better qualified to be you. You have gifts, talents and challenges that are unique to you specifically and the sooner you understand and accept that, the easier it will be to stand in your power.
It will also serve you to stop comparing yourself to others and thinking it provides a true measure of how well you are doing in life. It is fine to look to others for ideas, suggestions and support, but always remember you are the hero in your own story and nobody can do a better job of being you.
When you really embrace the idea that you have come into this life fully equipped to deal with whatever life throws your way, you can stop thinking you are missing something and cease your search to find the answers outside of yourself.
When you believe you are broken, defective or missing something, it’s really easy to shift into blame, shame, negative comparison and victim mode. This drains you of your vibrancy and weakens your power.
Embrace your journey – know it is unique to you and that there is no right or wrong way for you to do it.
- Become friends with your inner wisdom, learn how it differs from your inner critic and what you can do to hear it better – your inner critic makes you feel bad and eats away at your willingness to take risks. She is that voice in your head that reminds you of every short falling (real or imagined) you have experienced and does her best to keep you stuck (often quaking in fear) in your comfort zone – even when this zone isn’t that comfy! It’s worth it to learn how to change what she is saying.
Your inner wisdom is a natural part of who you are, yet it’s quite possible you aren’t even aware it exists. Although it can be easily confused with the inner critic your inner wisdom is a voice you definitely want to hear. Once tuned in, this wisdom will guide you in making decisions, provide you with direction and allow you to be the vibrant, powerful mom you strive to be.
A quick inner wisdom example – I was backing out a driveway one day from a mastermind meeting. There was a car behind me that I had to swing around and my sister was in the car with me so we were talking. As a carefully backed up watching the car at my side, I suddenly felt the words “look in front”. These words were very calm and accepting (meaning it didn’t feel like a command, but more like a suggestion). I braked and look at the front a couple of inches away from hitting the post that held up the basketball net. I hadn’t even seen it prior to that feeling and because my sister and I were talking and both looking backwards I would have hit it for sure. I was really glad I listened!
- Move self-care to the top of your priority list – Self-care is about making sure your needs are met and amazingly, most of us (women especially) really struggle with making this a priority. At a very basic level, self-care involves things like sitting down and actually chewing your nutritious meal, rather than wolfing down junk food or fast food as you race to your next duty. It’s also about going to the bathroom when you need to go rather than forcing yourself to hold it as long as possible so it doesn’t interfere with all the things you need to get done.
It’s about drinking water – not just when you are thirsty – but at regular intervals throughout the day as well as getting enough sleep, doing things to release stress, going to the doctor (or some form of care) when sick and taking time to heal when you come down with something.
Are you guilty of sometimes putting yourself last on your list for true compassion and understanding?
Looking after yourself first is critical to keeping yourself healthy, happy and able to nurture others. This doesn’t have to take a huge amount of your time, but it does need to be a priority if you want to be vibrant and powerful.
- Become intimately familiar with your feelings and how to process them. So many of us have learned how to ignore our feelings. We’ve even been taught that some of them are wrong or bad and that it’s important we don’t allow them to show. This is so unhealthy and it is the number one reason we numb out in life and lose that connection to our wisdom and good health in general.
If you’ve disconnected, which most of us have, you need to start tuning back in to these important messengers in your life and learn ways to process what you feel. The way women process emotion is actually just starting to be recognized as different than how men do it, so it’s quite likely you have not been taught how to do this.
If you want to stand in your power and live life to its fullest potential, it is imperative you tune in and learn how to release your feelings
- Learn the difference between your Ego & your Higher Self. Becoming aware of the difference between these two main parts of who you are is key to living the life you crave. Your ego is the human side and it feels, fears and it’s also what makes you an individual. The higher self is your spiritual side and it knows you are connected to something much bigger than your individual experience.
Learning how to teach your ego to sit while still living a full and vibrant life will remove a lot of the energy stealing experiences tied to guilt, blame, shame and judgment. Asking your higher self to be in charge will allow you to access the guidance that you need to live on purpose and will help connect you with your inner wisdom.
Both sides are equally important and need to be allowed in order for you to experience your personal power. Learning the difference between the two and how to get them working together is the answer to living life to the fullest.
- Open to the Divine Feminine and get to know how this beautiful energy can help you rebalance – the divine feminine is the balancing counterpart to the divine masculine and it is something both males and females need to learn how to embrace.
In an effort to survive in a masculine model, most women have cut themselves off from a lot of the divine feminine and adopted a distorted energy in its place. Since we require more divine feminine than men do in our lives, this has left us unbalanced, unhappy and feeling incomplete.
The divine feminine is where the dreaming happens – conceiving the idea and growing into something bigger. Creativity, nurturing, opening up to receive, using pleasure to replenish (rather than just the occasional well earned treat) as well as true collaboration are all part of the feminine realm.
It’s the divine masculine that helps us build the structure the dream will be birthed into – the planning, protecting, getting things done – so they are necessary pieces if we want to see things happen. It’s tough to recharge your batteries though and be creative, vulnerable and nurturing, when you are always on the go, getting things done and producing results.
If you want to be a vibrant, powerful woman, you need to uncover how much feminine and how much masculine you need to be balanced and then live it.
- Figure out what fills you up, then top up your tank on a regular basis – In keeping with tip #6 awakening the divine feminine it is critical you figure out what truly brings you pleasure and then bring more of those things into your life. This will raise your vibrational energy wh
ich in turn makes life more pleasant while also drawing more pleasurable things towards you.
Take a look at the things you really feel good after doing and add those to your self-care regime. In other words, don’t make yourself go jogging just because people tell you that’s the best way to stay in shape. If you get more pleasure from dancing, walking, swimming or yoga, do those things instead.
When you enjoy your exercise you end up with more orexin, a hormone, flowing which means it will have a greater impact on your energy level and speed up your metabolism.
Seek out the things that make you feel awesome and add to your sense of wellbeing. The better you feel when you are done, the more you can be sure it is helping you stand in you power.
- Get to know yourself intimately – A huge part of being self-aware involves getting to know which behaviours come naturally to you and which are learned. The family you were raised in influences the kind of person you are in relationships, your love language helps you feel loved, your personality predisposes you to certain behaviours, and that’s just a snippet of what makes you – YOU.
There are many other aspects to you…so make understanding yourself a life-long goal. Communication modes, genetics, astrological influences, gender differences, numerology (the list goes on and on) all have an impact on who you are. Some are changeable, some are permanent, and all are flexible once you are aware.
Another side to this is getting to know your blocks, like your patterns of self-destruction, limiting beliefs or even karma. Knowing how the learning cycle affects you, understanding your parenting pack and uncovering trauma you might be carrying around with you on a cellular level are all things worth exploring.
Knowing you is a huge task…Make learning all about you part of your daily adventure and you will never run out of things to learn….just be sure to do it with lots of compassion and willingness to allow changes as they arise (in other words, don’t lock yourself into any box just because it sounds familiar to you).
The more you learn, understand and love yourself the more brightly you will shine. Logically, this is when you might move on to understanding those you are in intimate relationships with… although our tendency seems to be a desire to diagnose and ‘fix’ others first.
Bonus: putting effort into being the best version of yourself you can be, will create positive changes in every area of your life. Problem relationships will fall away and others will grow with you.
- Create clear boundaries and learn how to assertively stand up for them – This tip is about awareness – what are your boundaries and why – along with being able to enforce them in a way that clearly states what you need without attacking the person who has crossed them.
Being assertive means standing up for yourself or your beliefs in a way that helps you feel good about yourself without putting the other person down or aggressively attacking them.
With assertiveness – when you reflect back on what you did or said, if your ego isn’t clouding the picture, you will see that your actions provided you with a healthy way to vent how you were feeling. It requires a lot of practice though, especially when people are pushing your buttons. An important side note: being assertive doesn’t always mean you will get your way or the other person will agree with you – it is about you saying what needs to be said.
Some people struggle with being assertive because they don’t want to rock the boat and hurt another’s feelings or be seen as being bossy. Others struggle because they have trouble empathizing and find attack mode to be more quick and efficient.
When assertiveness is done right it strengthens everyone involved. Those who care about you will like to be clear on your boundaries and respect you when you clearly share what you need and why. Those who don’t care aren’t going to change their mind no matter what you say, but are often hoping you will attack so they can get a good fight out of the deal.
Standing in your power means having clarity around what you stand for and why and then knowing how to share that with others.
So there you have it, 9 tips for standing in your power and tapping into your own personal vibrancy. There is plenty more on all of these topics and more that I will continue to share on this show, but for today, that’s all the time we have.
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