How to Keep Going When Life Knocks You Down With Deri Latimer

Meet today’s guest:

Deri Latimer

is an expert in positive possibilities for people! She is one of fewer than 12% of speakers globally who hold the designation of CSP (Certified Speaking Professional), the international measure of excellence for professional competence, proven experience, and optimal client satisfaction. Deri combines a business degree in human resources management with 20 years of experience engaging audiences across every business sector.

 

A TEDx Speaker, Author and Organizational Consultant, Deri works with organizations who want to create happy, healthy, humane workplaces for increased positivity, productivity, and prosperity! She is mostly proud of the two beautiful human beings who call her ‘Mom’…and everything she creates is with the hope that it will create a better world for them.

“Shortly after University I met a beautiful man, we got married and 8 months into our marriage he died by suicide. It was a complete shock to me – I had no idea that my husband at the time was struggling and for the first time in my life I felt shame.”

Although this was a very ‘foggy’ time, I remember really questioning myself – my worth, wondering what I may have contributed to this horrible situation. There were very few resources available on this topic at the time and I would wander into bookstores searching for any information that could help me to understand.

When I did the TEDx talk many years later… that was me coming out of closet, because it was the first time I was really sharing the story of my husband in a big way. I was already speaking a lot, helping people with resiliency and such, but I still felt shame about what had happened.”

Three things that helped Deri continue on after this tragedy:

  1. I spent a lot of time looking for information – to try and figure things out.
  2. I continued to move forwards… Every day I got up, got dressed and went out with purpose.
  3. I sought support and guidance from the people who I knew loved me and had my best interest at heart.

When Deri was given the opportunity to speak at TEDx, she really wanted to honour TED by providing an idea worth sharing and not just dumping a tragic story on the listeners. She decided to position her story around sharing this difficult secret with her 8 and 11 year old.

As a Certified Speaking Professional, Deri has given a lot of presentations, yet sharing this story with her kids, she maintains, was the biggest and scariest talk she has ever done.

Listen to our conversation to hear more of Deri’s story… how her kid’s reacted; the strategy she used to find the good in her mom’s decline into Alzheimer’s; what she does to stay vibrant and healthy; and more.

Deri’s gift is a PDF of her own gripping narrative entitled What’s Your Story? You Decide… which comes complete with guidelines to help the reader tap into her own resiliency. Subscribe to Deri’s blog and she’ll send you a copy.

Resources mentioned:

TEDx talk Choose Life: Deri Latimer at TEDxManitoba 2013 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mie1tkHbqE

Alzheimer’s Blog: The unexpected gift of a slow death
http://www.derilatimer.com/the-unexpected-gift-of-a-slow-death/

Subscribe to Deri’s blog and receive What’s Your Story? You Decide
http://www.derilatimer.com/subscribe-to-deris-blog-3/

 

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My Big 5-0

Originally posted as: My Big 5-0 [November 2016]

Today I’m doing something a little goofy. Recently I turned the big 5 0 – and very soon after this happened I had 3 things come up in my life that started with the letter O. Because I tend to have a rather interesting thought process – I had this sudden inspiration that I should do a podcast and share 5 important things everyone would benefit by knowing that start with the letter O.

 

I know it sounds crazy, but it fits for me and in honour of my Big 5-0 I just couldn’t let it go without doing something about it. So…here they are:

  1. Oxytocin – The first of my ‘O’s’ goes to Oxytocin which I’ve mentioned to you before a few time, and had to be on this list. Oxytocin is a hormone that many people refer to as the bonding hormone, the love hormone and certainly a feel good hormone. It’s important to the body in a lot ways, including being very instrumental in childbirth and breastfeeding, but it goes far beyond that as well.

Apparently, women’s bodies have far more oxytocin receptors than men which suggests it is even more important for us to have this hormone flooding through our bodies. How do you do that…well there are many ways – orgasm (another wonderful O word) is one way to get large amounts of Oxytocin flooding the body, so do your best to be releasing it that way on a regular basis – however it can also be released through all things pleasure –  by breathing a certain way and making a pleasure noise on the exhale (Hahhhhhhhhh). You can also get it flowing via loving caress (running fingers through your hair, rubbing a person’s back) and even by thinking loving and compassionate thoughts.

If you aren’t getting this hormone flowing every day you are missing out, especially when it feels so good, has such huge health benefits and is easy to do.

Don’t know how? Pick up one of my freebies off my site – 5 Secrets to being a Vibrant Mom or the Stress-less, Live More E-booklet where I describe the process.

  1. Oil of Oregano – The second ‘O’ gem I want to share is using essential oils – especially oil of oregano. I love having essential oils around me all the time, diffusing in a room to make it more relaxing, invigorating, healing or even just to freshen the air. Make sure you find a really good (preferably therapeutic grade) oil – DoTerra is my favorite and provides awesome guidance on how to use it and when.

I also like to carry a tissue in my pocket when I’m about to do something that requires a sharp, confident brain (like an interview or presentation).  I sprinkle a couple dabs of my favorite ‘brain power’ oil (typically those from the peppermint family) and sniff it before, during…whenever it’s needed.

The reason I zeroed in on oil of oregano – which can be purchased in forms other than essential oils – is for a couple of reasons. Number one it is an awesome oil to have around you at this time of year when flu viruses and other annoying germs like to surface. Once again just breathing it in off a tissue can work – although you might find people start talking about Ceasar Salads every time you come around if you carry it with you. This can also be a problem with diffusing it into the air, so instead you can put it in a carrier oil (any light oil – my favorite is fractionated coconut oil or sweet almond oil) and massage it on your feet in the morning or before bed.

Oil of oregano can also be taken internally, but I reserve that for when I have a sore throat starting up or am feeling out of sorts.

What made this oil come sharply into focus in the last few weeks for me, was when the bottom of my foot started to get sensitive and a planters wart revealed itself. At first I just ignored it, but it was obvious it was going to get worse and needed to be dealt with. Although I really like my doctor, he is never my first line of defense when it comes to healing something like this, because traditional medicine has been taught to fix the symptom as if it’s the problem and in this case would blast the wart without any thought for what is causing it to surface.

So, I pulled out my oregano essential oil and put a few drops into my coconut oil (oregano put directly on the skin
can be a bit too harsh). I place it beside my work area with a few cotton swabs (q-tips) and a lid (because I don’t like to smell Ceasar Salad all day) and then once or twice a day, took off my sock, swabbed with oregano oil, put back on my sock and continued on with my day.

The very next morning I could already feel improvement and two days later it was completely gone. The best part, my immune system has been strengthened by the oregano oil, rather than weakened by the over-the-counter med or nitrogen the doctor may have blasted me with.

  1. Osteopathy – The 3rd ‘O’ I want to talk about is Osteopathy. This is not very well known where I live, although I understand it is much more common in more populated areas. I kind of lucked in to seeing an Osteopath when my youngest’s Naturopath referred us to one of the top Osteopaths in Winnipeg. She’s so busy she doesn’t take any new clients until a spot opens up on her list.

After hearing about what was going on for my son, they suggested I bring him in to have the Osteopath do an assessment and see if anything could be done to help him regain some quality of life. As a result this osteopath ended up fitting him to her already overloaded schedule and working on him at least once a month.

I asked the fellow I was talking to if there was any way I could have treatments done with a different osteopath since I too have lots of health issues and would be waiting in their office anyway. As luck would have it I was talking to the Osteopath’s husband and he was actually a student of Osteopathy. He had room in his practice for a new patient so I signed up on the spot.

So what is Osteopathy… it’s actually really hard for me to describe. If you’ve ever had cranial sacral work done, then you will have a better understanding of how it works, but if not, I’m not sure I can explain it in a way that makes sense. What I can say, is they release energy blocks, they realign body parts, they awaken sluggish organs and then get everything in the body working together.

It’s non-invasive, it feels heavenly, it’s covered by many insurance plans and it’s well worth looking into.

I’m a huge fan of Osteopaths and cranial sacral work. I believe it would be beneficial for every baby to be checked and treated after their journey down the birth canal as a way to prevent unnecessary issues further down the road.

In line with that, my son’s Osteopath figures his brain and body have barely been talking most of his life. It took 16 years for it to surface as a ‘real problem’ and when it did traditional medicine didn’t have a clue what to do with it.

  1. Oolong – the fourth ‘O’ I want to share is Oolong tea…which is relatively new to me even though I’ve been a green tea enthusiast for many years. You’ve likely heard that there are many health benefits to drinking green tea – and there are, however it is also a little harsh on some people’s stomachs.

A couple months ago I was reading a newly released book called, The DNA Restart; Unlock your personal genetic code to eat for your genes, lose weight and reverse aging…by Dr. Sharon Moalem and one of his chapters was on the many health benefits of oolong tea.

What is oolong? It’s a lightly roasted and partially fermented tea, so it sits in the middle of the scale between green
and black tea. It has all the health benefits of green, but because of the roasting and fermenting part, also has the ability to latch onto extra fat in your food – that wouldn’t be used because your body doesn’t need it at the moment and would instead be stored as fat. He also says that drinking oolong between meals can help your body pull off and eliminate unnecessary fat.

This sounded good to me, because I love tea and I don’t love fat around my middle or on the back of my thighs so I dug some out from the back of my cupboard and started drinking it instead of the green. I like variety so I ordered a few different kinds of loose oolong from Amazon to drink with my meals (after really so as not to dilute the enzymes and acid in my stomach).

As with any tea, they are not all created equal so if you want to try this aim for high quality, loose if possible (David’s Tea has a few to experiment with).

Unfortunately I have to add a caveat to this one. Just yesterday (which means about a month ago now in the world of podcasting), I listened to a very intelligent and well known scientist, Mike Adams, who was a guest on the Thyroid Summit that Dr. Amy Myers was hosting. He does a lot of studies on the things that seep into our food unbeknownst to us.

He mentioned, that all tea – green, oolong, black – has a propensity for leaching flouride out of soil and therefore should not be ingested more than once a day and not even that much if you are suffering with any symptoms of thyroid imbalance. I’m not sure I know anybody who wouldn’t at least wonder about their thyroid after reading the list of imbalance symptoms and listening to Dr. Amy for even a few minutes…so before you go and order a whole bunch of oolong, maybe read Dr. Amy Myer’s The Thyroid Connection…ask your guides or use some other way to determine if it’s a good idea for you.

  1. Orexin – The final O of my 5-O’s is another hormone – one that I just learned about. It’s called Orexin and it is the hormone that makes you feel energized. Yup…you read that right. Orexin is the hormone that makes you feel like jumping off the coach and going outside to play…or to run the laundry upstairs….or even to get up and start making supper.

I can’t tell you too much about Orexin as I’m just learning myself, but I can say that this is a hormone worth knowing about and enhancing when possible. So here’s a few tips I’ve learned so far in my course with Ari Whitten called The Energy Blueprint:

  • Orexin is the hormone that makes you feel awake, energenic and speeds up your metabolism.
  • It is what makes you want to get off the couch and do something (NEAT)
  • Good quality protein is critical to keep orexin levels up
  • Fructose in actual, complete fruit – increases Orexin; coupled with a walk after eating keeps your glucose levels down and energy levels up
  • Fun exercise – i.e. playing with your kids (or puppy in my case); doing things you love like hiking for me and rock climbing for others – increases your Orexin levels…whereas just exercising (and not really having fun) does not!

I suspect there is a lot more to learn about Orexin and in fact I know I’m forgetting to share some of the tidbits I’ve already learned in this course, but I think it’s a good start. If this is something that interests you, I suggest you put it out to the universe that you would like to learn more. In the meantime, pay attention to how much of your movement involves fun and see if you can adjust things to make them bring you the pleasure you need to have great energy.

So that’s it…my 5-O’s. There are plenty of other great ‘O’ words out there, but these are 5 that presented themselves for me to share at this significant point in my life journey. I hope you found at least one or two of them are also of interest to you.

If you enjoyed this podcast/article please like/rate/review and subscribe… that’s what keeps us going! Click here now to enjoy our other podcasts.

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How Conscious Communication Can Change Your Life With Mary Shores

Meet today’s guest:

 

Mary Shores 

is the founder and CEO of a multi-million dollar business, one of the most unique collection agencies in the country. Recognized as a leader of innovative thought, Mary has spent over a decade teaching businesses and individuals how to inspire others, create new ways of thinking, identify and achieve their goals, and take action to create truly meaningful results. She is the revolutionary founder of the groundbreaking Conscious Communications system, which produces positive results through positive action. Mary travels across the nation giving lectures and teaching courses, and has been featured on local and national radio and television shows, podcasts, and blogs.

Mary Shores is a woman who’s had a lot of difficult situations thrown at her in life and managed to use them to better herself and shine her light brightly for others. Our interview went by in a blink, yet left in its wake many wonderful gems, quotes and tips to use in your life right away.

Mary’s Story

At 16 years old Mary found herself needing to fend for herself while finishing high school. Not having a lot of options, she moved in with her boyfriend, finished school and at 19 became pregnant. Although she had a healthy pregnancy and went full term, problems arose with the umbilical cord and her daughter was born with severe brain damage. For the next year and a half Mary’s life was a blur of sleeping on the floor in children’s hospitals, administering some pretty scary medications, feeding her child out of a tube in her stomach and other horrors… until her baby passed away because of all the health problems.

For part of this time, Mary was obsessed with the idea that her baby’s brain could overcome the damage it had suffered which started her onto a path of learning everything she could about the brain. This, along with other situations in her life, resulted in her writing a book – Conscious Communications – which released in August 2017 and provided the discussion points for much of our conversation.

“After a rough childhood, the devastating death of my first child, the creation of my own successful and unique collection agency, an unexpected and messy divorce, raising an autistic son, and the ups and downs of over 40 years of life, I discovered that I had gathered enough tools to write a book that would empower others to create the life they had always imagined despite facing various obstacles.”

Conscious Communications
August 2017, Hay House Publishing

How Do You Describe Your Life?

Mary and I talked about the power of words and how the things we say about ourselves really can become our identity. Mary shared how she was able to change her own story simply by changing what she was saying and especially by choosing to focus on what was working in her life, rather than what was going wrong.

I used to say that I felt like I was walking up a flight a stairs and someone was kicking them out from under me… and that’s literally what I woke up feeling like every day. When you’re in that level of despair there are not a lot of things you can change, but when I started changing my words before too long I could notice a change in what I was manifesting in my life.

In Conscious Communications Mary wrote: “When we relive our stories again and again, it keeps us swirling in that story—in the past. If we swirl inside the painful stories of our pasts, we create more stories that disconnect us from our desired futures.

What if, instead, you dwelled in the story that makes you feel good, that inspires you, and connects you to the magic in life?”

Cleanse or Clog

Mary shared a simple system she created called Cleanse or Clog which can help a person create an empowered life in relationships, diet, health, finances… in fact, every aspect of living.

It was this chapter in her book (Chapter 5) which she sent in to a Hay House writing contest and they loved it so much, it won first place and a publishing contract!

In essence this simple tool allows you to look at anything in your life and ask…will this (food/action/conversation…) cleanse me or clog me?

If you can answer ‘cleanse’ 80% of the time you will be strengthening yourself to the point where the 20% clogging can add variety, release and pleasure without hurting your life.

Gratitude and the Brain

We’ve talked about gratitude often on my show, but did you know the simple act of gratitude actually creates new neural pathways in the brain, which primes it to look for and recognize other things in your life to be grateful for?

 

When Mary learned about this and realized it needed to be a regular practice to really make a difference in a person’s life, she created a closed facebook group for women called Declaring Gratitude, which you can join and share in daily. This programs your brain to look for more things that are good in your life, which causes your vibrational energy to rise and attracts more good things to you.

Even when you are having a bad day, and we all have bad days, if you can still find something to be grateful for – simple things, like your toothbrush – you are doing your brain so many favours.

In her book, Conscious Communications, Mary further explores this topic and shares that, “developing an active daily gratitude practice changes brain chemistry, it changes the ways our genes express themselves in our bodies, and it fundamentally rewrites old scripts in our brain that we are ready to be done with.”

Clean Your Lens and See the Truth

I asked Mary to expand on a quote from her book that really spoke to me:

“As women especially, we are regularly encouraged to chin up, stop complaining, put our big girl pants on, or settle for what we know deep down isn’t right. Through this settling, we dim our light and accumulate more smudges and rubbish on the lens of how we see ourselves and our lives. The lens of misperception, keeps us buried beneath layers of untruths, away from seeing things as they really are, and as they could be.”

Mary explained that this idea is based on an ancient yogic principle – the lens of perception – which describes our tendency as humans to see things as better than they are, or worse than they are. In this case, the smudging is caused by seeing things as worse than they are.

When asked to express my thoughts on this quote, I shared how I believe far too many of us are dimming our light and settling for a life that is ‘less than’ it’s meant to be. Even our resiliency gets covered in the rubbish making us feel like life is too hard.

After the interview I realized that one of the things I really appreciate about Mary is her strong connection to her own resiliency and her refusal to fall into (or stay in) victim mode despite extremely difficult situations in her life. I don’t believe any of us are here to live a mediocre existence or to feel trapped, uninspired or in need of settling.

One final thought…

In Conscious Communications Mary says, “I learned that if you want to change your life, whether big changes or smaller ones, you just have to remember these two things:

  1. All it takes to begin (or continue) your journey is take a step in the direction of what you want; and,
  2. Every time you make a new choice, you are opening up an infinite number of new opportunities in your life.”

If you’re ready to make positive change in your life, you can by using the Action Step Summary below to guide you!

Action Step Summary:

Pick up your copy of Conscious Communications; A step-by-step guide to harnessing the power of your words to change your mind, your choices, and your life, published by Hay House in August 2017

Sign up for your incredible gift Ignite Your Dreams Workbook and find guidance for self-care, getting unstuck, your magic action plan and so much more!

Join the Declaring Gratitude Facebook Group (women only) and watch your life change

Email Mary if you truly want to publish a book and are interested in attending the Hay House Writer’s Workshop (where Mary went to get in the contest) in Orlando Florida, Oct 21 & 22, 2017.  [Mary@maryshores.com]

Learn more about Mary at maryshores.com

How Knowing Love Languages Can Support Your Relationships

Today I’d like to share How Knowing Love Languages Can Support Your Relationships.

Most of us are quite familiar with how personality tends to influence how we behave, but there are numerous other qualities that

affect your daily life as well – including your love languages. Several years ago I read a book by Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages and it really opened my eyes to yet another aspect of how we might be different from our loved ones.

Being self-aware is a huge part of standing in your power and bringing out your vibrant and powerful self.  Understanding love languages and how they apply to you as well as those you love is definitely one way to increase your awareness and build stronger relationships.

Becoming aware of your family’s primary love languages can be both helpful and rewarding because it will allow you to focus your energy on the language that’s going to have the greatest positive influence on the person you are relating to – rather than assuming they will feel most loved the same way that you do. It also allows you to share with your significant others so that they know how to ‘love you’ and become aware of the things they might be doing that make you feel unloved most easily.

The Way We Love

Mother and Daughter Holding a Bouquet of Flowers — Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

Your love languages actually determine what actions by others are going to help you feel loved. In other words, they dictate the way you receive love easiest and it will also be your first choice for how you try to show others you love them.

This was exciting for me to learn, because first off, I hadn’t really thought about what kinds of actions helped me to feel loved – so becoming aware of that allowed me to really appreciate who I am and what I need in this area. It was also enlightening to learn that my husband speaks a whole different language…so what I was doing to express my love to him wasn’t hitting the mark nearly as accurately as using his own language would.

Let me share the languages as I understand them and please keep in mind, if you are familiar with Gary Chapman’s work, that I’ve been using this material for almost 20 years and I’m giving you my version of his categories which is slightly different from Chapman’s work.

Visual: A person whose primary love language is visual will feel most loved when she receives things she can see: gifts, love notes, a clean house, or a thoughtful dinner on the table.

Auditory: An auditory on the other hand needs to hear that you love them. They feel most loved when hearing words of affirmation like: “I love you”; “You look great”; and “I love spending time with you.” They will do well in any relationship that shares verbal praise and encouragement.

Kinesthetics: The touchers as I like to refer to them, require physical contact like hand-holding, hugs, fingers running through their hair, or gentle massage.

A word about “touchers”. The kind of touch I’m talking about here isn’t sexual – we’re talking about loving touch. Your Erotic Blueprint dictates what you like in the bedroom – or whatever room you’re being erotic in.  Your love language is a whole different thing.

I find it usually helps when I ask people to think about a kinesthetic child first, to understand the category, rather than their life partner, because it’s easier then to see the difference. This will be a child that likes to sit close to you or on your lap. Hold your hand, love back rubs, hugs. They feel loved when you touch them.

Digital: The digital connectors respond well to shared laughter, meaningful conversation, and quality time together – they need to feel like you are connected to them

This doesn’t mean an auditory won’t appreciate or enjoy a gift or a backrub… they certainly can, it just means that these things alone won’t help them feel loved as much as your words of love will.

Those are the 4 types that I use – Chapman actually has 5 and calls some by different names – but the main idea certainly came from his work – so if you’re questioning what I just shared, or want to learn more – check out Chapman’s book because he is an absolute expert on this topic.

I also want to point out that it is not my intention here to fit anyone into a box – you may be a variety of all types. What I would like to do is help you understand yourself and your loved ones just a little bit better and we can best do that by starting with precise boxes and allowing you to pick out the pieces that apply to you and your family to get the real picture of what is going on.

In fact, most people have a primary and a secondary love language. These will be the ones that affect them the most and upset them the most when we act in a contrary way.

Let’s talk about this for a moment – if a note or gift makes you feel loved, then an angry note – maybe written in all caps with 3 exclamation points and  left for your visual child is going to have the opposite effect. This about that…the opposite of loved is unloved which can result in a person feeling rejected, disliked, cut-off from others, etc.

Here’s a few contrary examples:

Visual: Coming home to a messy house or receiving nothing for important life milestones can be very upsetting to this person.
Auditory: A disapproving tone of voice or set of words can be very upsetting to them.
Toucher: A joking push or a shrugging off of their hand can feel like serious rejection.
Digital: can be quite bothered if not asked about how they are doing or what they were up to that day – or not remembering when something important is happening in their life.

An illustration

In my life for example, I’m a Digital-Auditory. I need to hear that I’m loved and receive verbal compliments. This is not about vanity or self-worth… it’s how I’m wired to feel loved. When I hear these things, I feel loved by that other person. I also thrive when I get quality time with my loved ones – I need to feel like we are connecting with each other. And this is even true, if I’m speaking in front of a group of people and it doesn’t feel like we’re connecting, I have to really work at it to not allow anxiety to take over and run out of the room. Talk about a critical thing to know about yourself.

My husband is more of a Kinesthetic-Visual. He likes touch, like a little shoulder rub or a hug from behind. He also feels loved when things are done for him – he’s not really into gifts, but instead, acts of service – like when I make his lunch for him. He doesn’t expect this from me necessarily, but when he comes home and supper is made or the house is relatively tidy he feels loved. This is not about gender roles and expectations about the good-wife…this is simply how he is wired.

When he feels stressed, unloved or frustrated… he speaks in shorter, clipped, sentences… he explains less, he doesn’t want to chat. I call it his ‘efficiency zone’ and it would be a real problem for me if I wasn’t aware – not just of this tendency of his, but of the fact I am an auditory so it really affects me.

Now, remember I said that how we feel loved is also how we tend to express love to others?

Let me point out that, although I love having someone clean the house, do the dishes, make supper…it doesn’t make me feel loved – it simply helps to release me from these repetitive tasks. I love that something that has to happen is getting done, but I don’t feel loved by it.

Conversely, giving my husband compliments, saying I love him or asking a tonne of questions about his day is not filling up his love tank – especially as a way to fix a momentary misunderstanding.

Looking at this then you can probably see how it would be very easy for our relationship to derail and never get back on track if we were totally unaware of these languages.

Let’s say one night hubby comes home exhausted from a stressful day at work and sees that I’m still at my desk working. Walking into the kitchen he notices there is no supper or supper plan (i.e. something sitting out defrosting). He feels a little miffed – he thinks because he’s hungry, stressed and tired, but in reality it’s probably at least in part because no supper means unloved… disliked or rejected and the ego is not fond of those feelings.

I hear him banging around in the kitchen and finish up what I’m doing so I can go and help…but when I ask what I can do to help he tells me in short clipped sentences that he has it under control. Which is simply the truth – he’s great in the kitchen, a much better cook than I am and because of his singular focus (which is part of the male wiring) doesn’t need or want my help at the moment.

Remember, I’m an auditory, so his words feel harsh and now it’s my ego’s turn to feel rejected. Without awareness, there’s a good chance I’d be stung by this action and disappear to lick my wounds or strike out at him… a few minutes later supper is ready and he calls me to the table as if all is great…but I’m still hurting, not enough to turn down a meal, but enough to make me standoffish. I don’t smile, I don’t create conversation and I don’t provide feedback or ask questions about his day.

He doesn’t know what is going on, he’s already dealt with his frustration that supper was not made and has moved on. He’s not even aware his words were harsh. So he tries to lighten the mood by talking about his day, sharing stories from work, maybe bringing up something in the news (that I don’t watch) and so on. The digital part of me that needs connection has unplugged – kind of like a plug being pulled out of the wall – and unless he makes an effort to plug me back in, I’m cold as ice.

“How was your day,” he asked.

“Fine.” I respond, coldly

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing.” I say feeling tears threatening to arise.

At this point he might get up and start doing dishes – because unconsciously this is how he shows love! Depending on how hurt I was to begin with I might see this as further disconnection causing the digital side of me to sulk…which means there is less touching (likely none) just a cold shoulder where he is concerned.

All his unconscious efforts to ‘love me’ by making supper or cleaning things up, are actually making things worse… Even worse, now that’s he realized something is wrong he might try to hug me or massage my shoulders…which are nice but not when I’m in ice mode.

Overtime, patterns would be created, misunderstandings would build up and we would be drifting into relationship breakdown mode.

Can you see how this would be a problem?

What’s really amazing is, once you learn the language, the whole cycle can be circumvented.

For example since I know supper is important to him I could address it as soon as he walks in. “Sorry there’s no supper ready. I had a lot going on and I haven’t gotten there yet.” Even better if I get up and give him a hug before saying this.

Or, if I miss that window of opportunity, when I hear him banging around in the kitchen I could join him…if he’s not at a critical cooking point, I could hug him from behind while he’s making supper and ask, “Can I help.”

If he responds in clipped sentences, I can address it right away by assertively telling him, “I’m not sure of your intention, but the voice you just used felt harsh. Are you angry with me?”

“No,” he might reply, “I’m just tired and had a stressful day – sorry if my voice sounds harsh.”

Or…if he is really hurting he might reply. “Well, I’m starving!”

Then I can tune in with something like, “Guess it doesn’t help for you to come home and find supper isn’t ready if your day was already stressful. Sorry about that. How about I do dishes while you focus on that…let me know if you change your mind about the help?”

Can you see how this conversation can clear the air, help us connect (which my digital loves!) and even pull him out of whatever slump he might have been slipping into.

Even if he didn’t catch on right away or if I didn’t use my assertiveness skills, he might have stopped the pattern later when he realized I wasn’t talking at the table.

“I just realized I’ve been pretty focused since coming home on my own day…tell me about yours, how did the meeting go with the school?” Bonus points with Digital for remembering what was up for me that day and if he says this in a concerned and caring voice – even better.

Another example… when he was harsh and saw me tense up he could come over and pull me into a hug (his language) while saying…”I’m sorry – that came out snappier than I intended, come here my beautiful wife and tell me how your day was.” The auditory in me feels loved by the compliment and if I laugh at his words digital feels the connection.

My point isn’t to tell you how to fix misunderstandings, because we all know there are so many factors that can play into something like this. What I want to highlight is that when you are aware of the love languages and which one your partner falls into, you can use this awareness to help you get things back on track before the whole evening is lost.

Learning which love languages your family falls into can save you a lot of time, energy and misunderstandings. When you speak a person’s language they will feel your love much more potently than if you speak just in your own (unless of course you share the same languages).

.           .           .

Kids guide:

Visual – notes in the lunchbox, little trinkets from dollar store, cards for special occasions

Toucher – back rubs, scratching back, hugs, physical play

Auditory – praise, words of love, using light hearted tone, friendly voice

Digital – making and keeping promises for quality time together – remembering friends name and what they are up to. Laughing together

If this topic piques your interest I strongly suggest you pick up one of Chapman’s books or look on-line for his personal assessment tool. This will help you figure out your family’s languages and tailor your efforts to what they need most from you. Doing this will help you understand yourself so you can make sure your needs are being met …which is part of standing in your power and being the vibrant and powerful person you’ve come here to be.

If you enjoyed this podcast/article please like/rate/review and subscribe… that’s what keeps us going! Click here now to enjoy our other podcasts.

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One Ripple Peace Day Video; 3 Tips for Raising Your Energy

In honour of #peaceday I created a short video on raising your Vibrational Energy to help us all spread peace, love and happiness. We do make a difference…Enjoy!

If the video doesn’t load please watch it here: https://youtu.be/AlQcHxB65ms

Fun Ways to Recharge Your Energy

Originally posted as: Recharging With Pleasure [December 2016]

Today I’m going to talk about pleasure and specifically some of the ways you might bring more of it into your life.

I’ve already mentioned a few times why pleasure it so important, but in case you missed it – our feminine energy is fed through pleasure so if you want to be a vibrant and powerful being, you absolutely must have a good amount of this in your life. It recharges your batteries. It helps you burn off stress and it makes life so much more fun!

I find it quite disheartening that so many of us (myself included just a short time ago) are so disconnected from pleasure. What I mean is, we don’t necessarily know what truly brings us pleasure – I mean most of us can recite a quick list; my kids bring me pleasure (most of the time!), getting outside, watching my show.  While I don’t doubt you love your kids, they don’t always bring you pleasure. In fact, they are part of the stress causing piece of the equation and in many cases, add to why you need more of this in your life.

So let’s talk about that part… we need a lot of pleasure in our lives and yet, many, many people believe pleasure is something that is only indulged in once all the ‘work’ is done. Think about what you do just for the pleasure of it? How often do you do it, where does it fit in your priority list. When something must get bumped off the list what is the first thing to go?

Now think about how you feel when an opportunity to do something for pleasure comes up. Perhaps, like so many others, you look at the price, look in your bank account for how much extra cash you have and allow that to make your decision as to whether or not you participate. If not that, you might look at your time commitments – can I really squeeze this in. Perhaps you run it by your significant other and use their reaction to determine whether or not you should pursue the idea further.

Many people – women especially, feel guilty when seriously considering doing something simply for the pleasure of it and think they need to have a really good excuse in order to justify taking the time, spending the money or lining up the child care to make this happen.

I can actually remember a really busy time in my life when a friend of mine was sick for a few days and had to spend that time in bed. I actually felt a stab of envy and momentarily wished I could be sick so I could just rest and focus on healing guilt free. How messed up is that?

Since then I’ve shared this secret (rather shamefully) in conversation with other women and been amazed at the number that admitted to something similar. For some it was accidents, others diagnosis, still others divorce… None of us are actually wishing for a life threatening diagnosis, to be in an accident or to have their husband up and leave them… but we are all inwardly screaming for a chance to recharge our batteries.

I have a group of friends who I totally love and really admire for how they make a point of reaching for pleasure. They’ve travelled to concerts, art shows, they have a yearly “glamping” experience, which I have participated in and loved – true camping (no toilet, no running water, no electricity) but with awesome beds, incredible food and this beautiful feminine energy I can’t even begin to describe. My point is that these women appear to have no guilt around making time for themselves and really seem to understand the importance of pleasure in their lives and you can tell.

So, if you are feeling this kind of bone deep weariness and you don’t want to end up with something untoward happening to you, it is absolutely imperative you take charge and insist on bringing more pleasure into your life on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, because we’ve been thoroughly trained in the masculine model that I talked about last week, many of us have really, deeply internalized the message that we must work hard to succeed. Take a look at these sayings:

The early bird gets the worm; only the tough survive; work hard, play later (work hard, play hard); money doesn’t grow on trees so you better get planting; work through the burn; a mother’s work is never done; you can sleep when your dead.
Every one of these comments suggests you must put your energy into action…make things happen…get things done if you want to get anywhere in life. The underlying message is that there is no time for pleasure and that you are lazy and not worthy of success if you indulge in such things.

Now thankfully, enough people have burned out, become ill, lost significant others and so on, for our society to scratch their head and start to question. As a result, more and more people are catching on that we are doing something terribly wrong here. There has to be more to life than this and they are beginning to search for what that is. This has opened the door to pleasure – perhaps only a crack – but that’s enough to bring some light into the room.

Interesting gender difference

According to Alison Armstrong, a woman who has made it her business to study men for many years now, men tend to be more connected to what brings them pleasure, they aren’t shy about fitting it into their life (in other words no guilt if they can make it happen) and the recharge they receive from doing these things (whether it be hunting, going to game with some buddies, golfing) seems to stay with them quite a bit longer than it does for women.

For example, she says if a man loves riding his motorcycle and get’s to go on a lovely Sunday drive, it might create a feeling of satisfaction (completeness) for the next few days. Women, on the other hand, tend to have a harder time identifying what fills them up, fitting it into their lives without the guilt AND only feel full for a couple of hours!

Now, I fully recognize this will be different for many men and women, but allowing me this generalization, it’s still worth thinking about.

In my book, Standing in Your Power, I share some ideas for filling yourself up (which is another way of saying they bring you pleasure) which I’d like to share with you:

You know something fills you up if:

You enjoy doing it.

You feel stronger after doing it.

You feel good about yourself as a person for doing it.

You feel a sense of happiness or contentment deep within when you do it.

Examples of things that might fill you up:

Connection to others – quality time with partner, kids, family, friends, volunteering and service to others. It’s
important that you feel allowed to be your true self with these people.

Movement/exercise – dancing, swinging, yoga, running, aerobics, sex, biking, massages, swimming

Music – singing, drumming, listening to music, playing an instrument

Touch/energy work – massages, foot rubs, pranic healing, reiki, even distant healing (like I’m doing right now with Emmanuel Dagher!)

Quieting the mind – relaxing baths, meditation, daydreaming, tai chi, qi gong, yoga

Belly laughs – with a friend, a child, watching a show

Artistic expression – writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, pottery, crafting, baking, cooking

Releasing Chi – cleaning out a closet, organizing a drawer, giving away clothing

Being out in nature – sunshine, walking, tree hugging, sitting by water, horseback riding, walking barefoot in the sand

Animals – petting a dog, grooming a horse, playing with a kitten, watching fish in a tank

Excitement – Riding a motorcycle, skydiving, flying an airplane, driving a race car

Remember, what brings you pleasure, how much you need to reach the full mark, and the amount of time you remain “full” afterwards, are different for everyone AND could even be altered for you on different days.  Our souls love novelty, so what feels great one day might become rather blasé on another.

Take some time and explore a little. Bring a variety of things into your life so that you can change it up, have ideas that work regardless of where you are or how much time you have.

A couple weeks ago in my podcast I spoke about, Taking pleasure from little moments, and it’s worth it to remind you of that here:

Tuning into those many miraculous little moments that arise on any given day, such as: sunshine on your face; having a deep authentic conversation with a friend; laughing with your child (or grand dog as is my situation); sitting down with a fresh cup of your favorite beverage; enjoying a delicious smell or even taking that first bite of intensely awesome food. These are all examples of miraculous moments, but really the list could be endless.

The more you awaken all your senses and allow yourself to fully be in a moment, the more completely you will enjoy the experience. Sometimes, finding pleasure is just a matter of opening up to it.

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What You Want to Know About the 5th Dimension and How To Get There with Maureen St. Germain

Meet today’s guest:

Practical Mystic, Maureen St. Germain

serves as a messenger for the Ascended Masters and the Angelic realm. She practices, the MerKaBa, and is the founder of Akashic Records International. She teaches the Akashic Records through your own Higher Self which she considers essential for your fastest heart-centered personal evolvement to your 5D expression.

 

 

“The best way to describe what it’s like to be 5D is to think of a time when you have fallen in love or when you actually got something that you had been pining for (maybe it’s a new car, a job, or a  beautiful garden). Something that put you in that beautiful, blissful state of happiness that no one can touch.”

Maureen St. Germain is a modern day mystic who understands the different dimensions of our Universe and is willing to share that information with the rest of us. Her book, Waking Up in 5D (releasing tomorrow, Sept. 12/17) is packed with tools, information and stories to help us understand what the 5th Dimension is and what we can do (and are doing) to shift into that space.

But she didn’t start out that way…

I am the typical person in North America – I was married for 25 years, I raised a family, I have 4 adult sons, I was a single parent, I worked in the corporate world… I began my spiritual studies when I was a teenager and pursued it throughout my parenting years and corporate years.

One day (in 1998) I woke up and said, “All right God, if I’m supposed to do this full time, I’m ready to let go!”

At that moment I really didn’t think about what that might mean or what would happen. Within 3 weeks I had a pink slip, a big cheque and I was on my way.

Maureen shared that the book title, Waking up in 5D,  came to her in a dream and that’s when she realized that we are all waking up in 5D some of the time and that every one of us could take the few times we were in 5D and transform it into all of the time.

“So first and foremost the book is about teaching people that shifting into 5D is not just one single moment. I do believe there could be a defining moment where enough people in the world become 5D that everything shifts almost like a teeter-totter, but in the meantime, each of us in our own personal worlds, are going into 5D regularly.”

Here are just a few of the highlights Maureen shared with us to help us with our own ability to shift…

Set up an altar

If you don’t have any place special that you go to pray, you might consider creating one. Even if it’s in your bedroom if you live in a studio apartment and don’t have a lot of space, it’s worth it to dedicate a spot for it.

Talk to the future

One thing you can do any time you make the leap and then you’re terrified – is to pretend you are in the future and you are saying to someone important to you at that time, “Well there were some scary moments, but it wasn’t that hard.” This way you aren’t resisting your present and you’re creating your future.

You won’t be leaving anyone behind

Our choosing to be 5D proactively makes it easier for our family and friends to be 5D. So if you are really worried about all of your peeps coming with you, do the work so that you’re vibrating 5D so frequently that they can shift more easily into it as well.

Enjoy your free fall

We are literally creating the reality as we go. We are in an energetic frequency that the record keepers have called…a freefall free for all. I think of it that we are all skydiving and we’re all doing different things – somersaults, nose diving, floating – we can do whatever we want until it’s time to pull the chord. Even then we can guide ourselves to where we want to land.

Use the portal to get there

The 4th Dimension is a portal or nexus – think of an airport or Grand Central Station… it’s a big pile of chaos. It is where our emotions are broadcast from so it is a place of high emotion. 4D is the place we travel through to get to 5D. You don’t go to the airport planning to spend the night… you might get stuck there for a bit, but overall the whole purpose of going there is to get to somewhere else.

Make yourself unshakable

The emotion you take to get into 5D, creates in you a place of balance, centeredness, and connection. And that sense of connection is so powerful that who you are becomes unshakable. You are so connected to God that your identity is a ‘fait accompli” it’s already a known and it’s so strong in your own consciousness that it’s not questionable.

And that is just the beginning!

Listen to the interview and find out how Maureen used Nintendo’s Mario Brothers to help her make the shift. You’ll also learn how not to feed the alligators, how her son used positive intentions to get home when stranded in Heathrow airport… and more!

Check out the wonderful free offers on Maureen’s website and be sure to order your copy of Waking up in 5D. There are complimentary resources offered in the book that you don’t want to miss… never mind the awesome content! http://www.maureenstgermain.com

Note: I mention the Faraday Cage during the interview with no real explanation. Maureen shares the details of this cage in her book, but in a nutshell, we are referring to an energetic barrier you put around your bed at night to limit EMF or other “harmful to human” energies.

If you enjoyed this podcast/article please like/rate/review and subscribe… that’s what keeps us going! Click here now to enjoy our other podcasts.

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Discover the Four Sacred Gifts for Creating Healthy and Happy Connections with Yourself and the World Around You With Anita Sanchez

Meet today’s guest:

Dr. Anita Sanchez

inspires & trains leaders (in business, communities and families) to discover and trust their gifts so that they become the life-giving connection to all.  Passionate about bridging indigenous wisdom and modern sciences to create thriving, caring and sustainable work places and communities around the world. Anita focuses on diversity, inclusion and engagement, culture change, and leadership development.

 

She is a speaker and author of The Four Sacred Gifts: Indigenous Wisdom for Modern Times, Simon & Schuster, releasing tomorrow – September 5, 2017.  She’s also co-author of an international best selling Success University for Women in Business; Ecological and Social Healing:  Multicultural Women’s Voices.   She’s a member of the Transformational Leadership Council,  as well as Board member of the Pachamama Alliance, and Bioneers.

Discover the Four Sacred Gifts for Creating Healthy and Happy Connections with Yourself and the World Around You

“It is really important to surround ourselves by people and beings that are about our best benefit.”

Interviewing Dr. Anita Sanchez was like sitting with a good friend and diving deep into important topics in a light hearted way. We started out discussing Indigenous Wisdom – what it is and how one can use it to build great relationships.

Indigenous Wisdom is about staying connected to the earth and truly understanding that we are all related to each other. Indigenous Elders teach us one way to apply this wisdom is to listen, not only with the softest part of our ears, but also with our hearts open. That’s where we can make a true connection with our families, nature, colleagues…

Anita’s new book The Four Sacred Gifts; Indigenous Wisdom for Modern Times launches tomorrow (Sept. 5/17).  In it, Anita shares how twenty-seven Indigenous Elders from around the world came together and learned four gifts from Spirit that could help every person live a whole and happy life.

Anita and I discussed two of the gifts; the power to forgive the unforgiveable and the power of hope in action (although she shares all four in the interview).  Anita shared a beautiful example of how her own life required her to learn and understand what’s necessary to truly forgive the unforgiveable.

“Growing up quite poor, being Mexican American and Native American, I saw a lot of injustices. And then my father was killed.  That would all be enough to try and forgive hurts and mistreatments, but on top of that it got complicated because my father was also my abuser. So I really have lived a lifetime of learning and understanding how to truly forgive the unforgiveable.”

Anita shared great ideas for how you can strengthen your forgiveness muscle and practice healing. She also shared how to fuel hope and help it to grow; how she modeled these four gifts for her son to help him thrive despite heartbreak; how she uses positive imbalance to keep herself loving life…and so much more.

Tune into the show to hear all the nuggets of wisdom!  You’ll even get to hear Anita sing a verse of a beautiful gratitude song.

Anita left us with these words to ponder:

“As one mom to other moms – we really matter and it’s important we give to ourselves.

 These four sacred gifts have been put in the book for you and me because we matter. Everything we give to ourselves that is good we are able to more fully model to our loved ones, our friends, our colleagues, our neighbours.”

Just click the link above to listen to the interview!

Be sure to pick up your copy of The Four Sacred Gifts and download a beautiful and uplifting complimentary song from the site while you are there!

If you enjoyed this podcast/article please like/rate/review and subscribe… that’s what keeps us going! Click here now to enjoy our other podcasts.

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No Cost Ways to Get a Break From Parenting

One of the most challenging tasks for moms of young kids (or even those with older ones involved in a variety of extracurricular activity) is to find time for themselves. It is absolutely essential that you find this time if you want to be vibrant and powerful, yet it remains one of the biggest struggles.

In January I was listening to McLean Masterworks Prediction week – which I absolutely love because she brings on a different psychic, numerologist, channeller or astrologist each day for a week to share information to guide us in 2017.

This year the message was so beautifully consistent (it probably always is, but I don’t always remember from year to year). Every guest talked about the need for all of us to reclaim our personal power and focus our efforts on raising our vibrational energy through self-care, self-love and self-nurturance. Things are changing and it is imperative we change with it.

The idea of focusing our energy on ourselves is an about-face for many of us and requires us to let go of beliefs tied to
laziness, selfishness, decadence and so on… Whether you choose to make this shift at this time or not, at the very least I hope you will tune into the message that has been coming through for quite a while now… carrying around a tonne of stress, pushing yourself too hard, looking after everyone but yourself… is not helping you or the people around you.

If this is you, you are modelling an unhealthy lifestyle to your child that could impact on their own health in the future as well as what they expect from their life partner. I’ve already mentioned in numerous other podcasts that when you look after you first, everyone benefits…so assuming you agree with at least one of these statements…let’s move on to talking about how you can make this happen in your life, starting today.

A minimum of 20 minutes a day is a good starting point if you aren’t practicing this already…but ultimately an hour as a minimum would be ideal. On the other hand, if you can only find a moment here and there to make it work then we’ll take that and call it a successful start.

The goal: Figure out a way to have some alone time and make a point of taking full advantage of this time.

What you’ll do in this time: Whatever brings you pleasure, recharges your battery, helps you feel loved and raises your vibration. Include little things that make an ordinary few minutes special for you: Light a candle, play some music, sip a favorite drink (warning: mind altering substances can eliminate the benefit if included often), walk barefoot on some grass or sand, dance, meditate, journal, paint…

I know alone time can be a real struggle, especially if you are a single parent; married – but often on your own; or dealing with a child who has special needs. So most of these ideas can help when you have kids who need you and you do not have a partner to help. If you do have an active partner you want to start clearly asking for help if you aren’t already and blocking out time for self-care for you.

Two things that are critical to remember when raising kids are;

First (I know I already mentioned this, but it’s worth repeated), everything you do (or don’t do) is being recorded by your child and will later surface as patterns in their own life. This means, if you don’t figure out a way to look after yourself first, they might not be able to either. This is not a great thing to teach as this knowledge resides in the subconscious mind and is not easy to recognize and therefore change as they get older.

Second, part of your job as a parent is to teach your child how to survive when you are not around. If you are always around and always doing for them, you are not really doing your job. I’m not saying this to be mean, but to remind you that teaching your four year old how to play quietly in a room for ten minutes while you are occupied somewhere else is important. I know there are plenty of people who suggest we must constantly watch and protect our children to keep them safe, but I have to respectfully disagree. Yes, we need to be smart about where we are leaving them and how we have helped them prepare to be alone, but beyond that we are doing a disservice when we won’t let them out of our sight.

Ideas to find time for you…

1) Independence time – So, with these two points in mind, a potential way to find time for you is to start training your child today for small amounts of alone time. With a young toddler you might want to use a crib or playpen for containment, then move on to their bedroom, or some other ‘safe’ space.

Sometimes it even works to keep them in the same space as you, but be clear on what you are doing. Here’s a sample conversation with a 3 year old that’s already been told they’re going to start practicing ‘independence time’:

“Honey, it’s time to practice being on your own for a few minutes. You can stay in the room with me if you play quietly by yourself or you can go into your room and play there until I’m done. Which would you like to try?”

I realize this might seem like a stretch if your child is quite clingy or gravitates towards dangerous activity, and it is possible you’ll have to wait until he’s older, but at some point this bridge will need to be crossed so it worth doing it with awareness.

If this feels like punishment to you, then you likely have a negative belief about being alone. It’s worth it to learn how to let that belief go as it is something you’ll want to release in this life time. Just the other day a psychic named Brian Hurst spoke on this idea and channelled how there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

Confidence, self-love and a balanced ego will allow you to very comfortably be alone without ever feeling left-out, lonely or punished. Recognize this as your own issue (and heal it!) so you can refuse to pass it on to your child.

2) Education time – In line with this, often times older kids are more than willing to help you out with childcare if you would ask, help them create a safe environment and then trust them to do the task. Asking them to help out for little bits like this does not make you a bad or negligent parent. It actually helps them with skills they’ll benefit from throughout their life. Asking your six year old to be on watch and sound the alarm should her four year old sibling decide to fry some eggs by himself is teaching responsibility and might just buy you some of the time you need to recharge.

3) Fix your ‘to do’ list – Take a good look at the things on your daily ‘to do’ list that you insist must get done. Write them down and beside them put what would happen if you didn’t do them. For example, if you didn’t make a meal, your two year old and you would not eat. Obviously this item is truly important.

Interestingly, when you do this and are really honest with yourself, you will likely find at least a few things that are not as important as you might have thought. The cleanliness of your house, laundry, frequency of baths for kids… are often areas that have been internalized by mothers as top priority when in fact, they really are quite flexible.

If you doubt this, try pretending that someone you love very much has become deathly ill. In order to care for him/her you need to strike several things off your already very full day. What could you cut out? It’s sad, but often it takes an exercise like this (too frequently a real life one) to make us sit up and take notice of what’s really important.

Give this a try and see if the world comes to an end because the laundry isn’t done daily or the dishes sit in the sink. If it comes down to being a woman with a clean house or one who practices self-care on a regular basis, the one looking after herself first will win every time.

4) Create a support system – Strike up friendships whenever possible with other adults who seem similar to you in needs and set up an exchange program (“If you help me out once in a while, I will return the favour for you”). This can also be done with neighborhood teenagers who don’t mind doing good deeds for others (some even need to do volunteer hours for school), local seniors, neighbours and people you meet through groups you belong to (church, play groups, community club).

Unfortunately, most of us have been taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness or makes us indebted to that person. The truth is, many people love kids and enjoy being around them. Asking them to help you in exchange for a reference letter, volunteer credit, time away from their lonely apartment, etc, can be exactly what they are looking for. This does not make you a bad parent – but actually models creativity, ingenuity and community development.

Creating a support system you can count on is well worth the effort. Family, friends, neighbors, and other parents you meet at playgroups, etc., can all become part of this system. A good support system doesn’t need to cost money if you can come up with a barter system that works for you both.

5) Change Your Wake Hours – I cringe just saying that one, but only because I know how often parents (moms especially) give up their sleep time to get other tasks done. Sleep is super important and I’m not suggesting you give up even more. On the other hand a well planned out hour before bed can set you up for a better night sleep and create a routine that really feeds your soul.

For others, there is no way they can stay up any later, but they could adjust their wake up time to give themselves an extra 30 minutes for themselves. My sister was just telling me the other day that she chooses to get up at 4:15 a.m. so she has time for herself rather than sleep until 5:00 and get caught in her deepest sleep. The trick with this is to either use an app or consciously tell yourself you want to wake up at the best time for you before your alarm so you feel awake and rested. Then, when your eyes pop open 20 minutes before your alarm (or maybe even an hour!) get out of bed instead of turning over and going back to sleep. We sleep in 90 minute cycles…finding your best wake-up time can make a huge difference in how groggy you feel.

In both of these cases, the secret is to plan the time. What will do during this time to recharge your batteries and help you have the best day/sleep possible.

If it’s an evening routine you are creating you might light a candle or a fire in your fireplace and gaze into it in  meditation with calming music playing in the background. You might write in a gratitude journal during this time

and sip on a herbal (no caffeine) tea. You might do some simple stretches, take a warm bath or read. Whatever you decide is up to you, just make sure it is conducive to sleep and you come up with ideas ahead of time. If you don’t you are quite likely to plop yourself down in front of the TV or, even worse, continue on with your daily tasks.

If it’s a morning routine do your best to wake up naturally (without an alarm) or take some time to move your alarm time around until you find your best wake-up time. Typically you’ll want to schedule in a few things that get you moving and wake you up fully in the first part of your routine.

Washing your face, showering, light exercises, walking outside – can all be great ways to ensure you are fully awake. A cup of hot water with lemon squeezed in is a great way to get your system moving and support your liver. I use a full spectrum light at this time to help strengthen my circadian rhythm and wake me up fully. Because the light is so bright and my eyes have to be open to benefit, I use this time to read 10 pages of a book and complete a short journaling process. I follow that up with a guided meditation – that way if I fall back asleep the ending of the session always wakes me up.

If you can only squeeze in little stolen moments throughout the day, sprinkle in the things that bring you pleasure wherever they can fit. Light a candle if it’s safe to do so when you sit down to supper. Keep your journal in the bathroom and take a few extra minutes there to contemplate. Fully immerse yourself in the shower by living in the moment, hum while you prepare a meal or lose yourself in open eyed meditation while you do dishes.

It’s totally up to you what this time looks like, what’s absolutely critical though, is that you make the time.

If you enjoyed this podcast/article please like/rate/review and subscribe… that’s what keeps us going! Click here now to enjoy our other podcasts.

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Planning Ahead to Be An Empowered Mom with Sunit Suchdev

Meet today’s guest:

Sunit Suchdev

is an author, speaker and life coach who wants to inspire moms to be talking about all the amazing things they are doing instead of complaining about all they cannot do anymore. Her podcast and course “Modern Mommy Prepschool”, targets first time moms to hold onto their power, parent with purpose and plan ahead to enjoy a fulfilling and happy mom life.

“What used to light you up? If you don’t know, ask your partner, parents, family or friends – often other’s can see things more easily than you can. Once you figure it out, create a list of all the things that fire you up and figure out how to bring them back into your life.”

Sunit was in her 30’s and had been trying to get pregnant for years. What shocked her most, was that so many of the new mothers around her did not seem to be enjoying motherhood, but instead were lamenting at all they had given up for this role (their marriage, their freedom, their identity). On top of this when she finally got pregnant at 36, other mothers started listing all the things she could now say good-bye to forever!

Listening to this was infuriating…

“I’m working so hard to have a baby and I wanted to be able to enjoy motherhood. I got it in my head that there has to be a better way! I did not go through years of infertility and all of this only to have children and not be able to live my life!”

Sunit decided to change her focus and start seeking out moms that she felt were the epitome of the kind of parent she really wanted to be. She used this information to help pull out the positives and create an environment where she could be a loving, fulfilled and excited mother.

“I was 36 when I finally got pregnant and I had lived a very fulfilled and established life beforehand that I was very attached to. I couldn’t believe that having kids would mean the end of that.”

Her kids (twins) are 5 years old now and it has been a very positive experience. Of course there are still challenges, but because of her preparation and purposefulness, overall it has been everything she wanted it to be.

This awakened a passion in Sunit and as a result she left the corporate world to create a business that focuses on helping new moms create the life of their dreams.

“Because of my preparation and planning for the kind of mom I wanted to be, I’ve had a really great and positive experience and I want to help other moms do that as well.”

Below are just 5 of the many tips Sunit shared during our conversation. Check out the interview for all the wonderful details, stories and examples.

Tip #1: If you want to be inspired as a mom, talk to the women who inspire you and ignore those that don’t.

Tip #2:  Don’t waste your energy when you are pregnant on the shiny stuff…use those 9 months to ensure you are coming into this role fulfilled and in touch with who you are.

Tip #3: Use your past, present and future to help you be the parent you want to be.

Tip #4: Take your power back and focus on what’s really important.

Tip #5: Give your children and partner the gift of a happy and fulfilled you.

Find out more about Sunit and her Modern Mommy Prep School on her website and be sure to check out her facebook page  for 1st time mothers.